Going easy on yourself

Liking yourself more, or at least putting yourself down less, is possible to do. Journalist Catelijne Elzes learns how you can go easy on yourself through trial and error.

All in all, I think I’m a pretty friendly person. I’m open and even known to be funny. But if something goes wrong, if I make a mistake or clash with someone, this tough side of me comes out, this strict schoolteacher who disapproves and would love to rap me on the knuckles with her ruler. She’s not capable of saying anything nice. This is a shame, because it throws me off balance, and makes me unsure which way to turn or what to do. Besides, everyone makes mistakes, right?

American writer and associate professor at the University of Texas at Austin in the US Kristin Neff has been researching self-compassion (literally, having compassion for yourself) for years. One of her studies has shown that for an amazing 78 percent of people, it’s easier to be kind and understanding to someone other than themselves when they are experiencing difficulties. Only two percent of people have more compassion for themselves than for others and twenty percent show the same amount of compassion for themselves as they do for others.

Dutch mindfulness and self-compassion trainer Marlou Kleve sees this a lot during her training courses: people who are too hard on themselves if, in their eyes, they have failed. She feels it is time to fight back. According to Kleve, self-compassion is nothing more than being kind to yourself, particularly when you are going through something difficult, and supporting yourself when necessary.